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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28696158">Straight Down (not slow like I used to)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlocked/pseuds/starlocked'>starlocked</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Airplanes, Aromantic Morality | Patton Sanders, Car Accidents, Deceit | Janus Sanders-centric, Gen, Human AU, Implied Car Accident, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Nietzsche discussed, POV Deceit | Janus Sanders, Panic, Patton is religious, Philosophy, Religious Content, Religious Discussion, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Title from a TOP song, we going hard on the oxygen mask metaphor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:15:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28696158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlocked/pseuds/starlocked</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Janus is still grieving his lost husband when he meets a youth pastor in the seat next to him. They're both in for a bumpy ride.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Straight Down (not slow like I used to)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title comes from the song "Air Catcher" by Twenty One Pilots, and it's not a songfic per se but it's worth a listen while reading. <br/>First fic of 2021! Sorry it's kinda... just here.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Janus sighed, leaning heavily on his seat as he secured his cane and carry-on bag in the overhead compartment. He waved off the help of a kind looking flight attendant and settled into the aisle seat as more passengers began to board. He idly wondered if he'd be lucky enough to have the row to himself when a chatty group of teenagers in matching t-shirts boarded, followed by a few adults. The man at the back of the pack of kids scanned the row numbers, checked his ticket, and gave Janus an unnervingly cheery grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh, I think you're in my spot, sir."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus bit his tongue and gestured to his walking cast, "my apologies. I thought I had booked the aisle seat because of this thing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>With all due respect</span>
  </em>
  <span>, could we swap seats?" Janus watched, amazed as the smiling man either missed or ignored the sarcasm dripping from his lips and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh of course! I didn't even notice your leg- my bad! Here lemme just scooch on past ya," the man squeezed past Janus, thankfully being careful of his leg and apologizing the whole time until he was able to settle into the window seat, "it's a blessing in disguise. I love watching the takeoff and landing! Just tried to book my seat as close to the kiddos as possible. They're my responsibility, ya know?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus spared the man one last disinterested glance, trying to ignore how achingly familiar that optimism felt as it dredged up painful memories from before a month ago. Janus tamped down the feeling of loss and glanced at one of the teenagers trying to find their seat. He couldn’t help noting that the matching shirts loudly proclaimed the group was from Grace Mideast Campus Youth Group Missions Team.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, I don't know. Are all these children yours?" Janus asked smoothly as if the diverse group could even remotely have the same biological father.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stranger laughed heartily, "oh, no. I'm their youth pastor. We're headed down to Mazatlán, Mexico for a week," the pastor stuck out his hand which Janus ignored, "Patton Baláž."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Charmed," Janus brushed the pastor off and pulled his latest reading material from his coat pocket. If this Patton were smart, Nietzsche would put an end to the conversation. Nietzsche was probably the only man that had detested Christians more than Janus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So what happened to your leg, friendo?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus inhaled sharply, "I would prefer to not talk about that." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was as if the youth pastor could sense the world of emotional pain hidden within that cast. Janus watched his face uneasily until Patton replied, "oh, I'm sorry if that's a sore subject."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus decided to be direct, "in fact, I would prefer to not talk at all. I know how your kind operates and I do not wish to be evangelized to on this flight."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh no! I wasn't trying-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Spare me the obvious lie," this line actually seemed to work as the pastor snapped his mouth shut, "thank you." Janus held his book back up, pointedly ignoring the man's lingering gaze and furtive glances as the remainder of the passengers boarded and settled into their seats. The flight attendant who had offered him help earlier passed by on their way to give the flight safety instructions. Janus set down his book to pay attention despite his near rote familiarity with the procedures and was mildly annoyed by his seatmate choosing to text while the attendant was speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shouldn't you be paying attention, in case of emergency?" Janus hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh? Oh, everyone knows all this. I'll be fine. It's a pretty short flight so it's not like we're going to crash. He's got us," the pastor pointed upward with that all too sweet smile and Janus had to restrain himself from throttling the man in his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wonder how many pastors prayed to their deaths as the plane fell from the sky, believing that sentiment," Janus hummed, just loud enough to be heard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Flight is the safest way to travel, statistically. That's what Father Crawford always said," Patton raised his voice as the flight attendant finished the safety spiel and the engines roared to life and the plane taxied to the runway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Father? As in Catholic? I thought you all were some kind of nondenominational group," Janus replied, a bit surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was raised Catholic but left the diocese to attend seminary. God wants me at Mideast," Patton explained. Janus felt like the man had just found a hole in his defenses and wanted to exploit it as long as possible before he mended the tear. He should have brushed the man off and returned to reading until they landed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You mean you wanted to get married," Janus could have hit himself for continuing the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, no. No. Um. God definitely wants me single," Janus couldn't miss the blush on the pastor's cheeks at the admission. Well, that hit a nerve, and Janus was tempted to keep hitting it but remembered he didn't want to be a part of this conversation in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well then there's no use flirting with me," Janus replied just before the engines thundered and everyone was pushed back in their seats and the plane lifted off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus could have sworn his offhand comment had sent a jolt of fear through the pastor's eyes but the timing of takeoff made it difficult to attribute one way or the other. He shrugged and returned to his book as the plane climbed into the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nearly 40 minutes before Patton interrupted Janus again, "so, what are you reading about?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus set the book in his lap with a huff, "<span class="u">Beyond Good and Evil</span> by Nietzsche."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh! Yeah, Nietzsche was hard for me. Very very angry but I do think he has a good point about artists."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Pardon?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"His idea of "supermen" that ascend beyond society's morals of good and evil. They weren't supposed to be destructive because what good is any being that chooses destruction and violence. That's choosing evil, not moving beyond it. The übermensch are creative forces that give meaning to life through love of life. Artists. And I agree that artists often defy societal standards and end up creating new standards of value. But I don't think Nietzsche understood Christianity that well because his concepts aren't as diametrically opposed to faith as he thought they were," Patton finished his explanation with that same little cheery grin and Janus was </span>
  <em>
    <span>impressed.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He had several points of contention with Patton's claims, but this little ex-catholic, maybe-gay youth pastor had clearly spent time considering decidedly anti-faith worldviews. That cheery little smile held a world of intellectual debate and perhaps even spiritual doubts, Janus was sure of it. Once again Janus was hit with a pang of familiarity and hurt. It wasn't fair for this man to keep reminding him of his husband.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton must have taken his silent stare as ending the conversation. Janus almost wanted to hear more but distractedly returned to his reading. It wasn't very long before the pastor captured his attention again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's just a bit of turbulence, you can breathe normally," Janus glanced over at the man who was dangerously close to hyperventilating with a white knuckle grip on the armrests.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm just not good with the shakiness," Patton tried to smile and Janus felt a brief shock of sympathy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What happened to 'he's got us'?" Janus knew it was a cruel comment but couldn't help himself. He watched as the pastor hung his head- either contemplating the rationality of his fear next to the impracticality of his faith or in shame- Janus couldn't tell. Patton looked up with that cheery smile, although this time it was evidently fake as his eyes were screaming silent prayers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're right! Nothing to be afraid of really."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's- that's not what I meant. It's natural to feel frightened when the vehicle you are in moves in unexpected ways. I can't tolerate cars hydroplaning. Hiding that fear behind a mask of faith isn't helpful to you or your mental health," Janus searched for the right way to comfort the man who's preferred security blanket was already failing, "just look at the flight attendant. They look bored. We don't have anything to worry about otherwise they would be quite a bit more animated."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton nodded quickly, gratefully even maybe. The plane suddenly lurched and the oxygen</span>
  <span> masks dropped like coiled snakes from their hiding places. In a moment Patton had unbuckled and spun around in his seat, panicked and trying to assure his kids were safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is your captain speaking. We are experiencing a decrease in cabin pressure. The plane is still stable-" the comment was followed by a hard shudder of turbulence "-and we are expected to land at our destination only slightly behind schedule in one hour. Please apply your oxygen masks and assist others around you. Most importantly remain in your seats for the duration of the flight. Thank you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton was hardly the only one panicking but was the only one attempting to push past Janus into the aisle. Janus quickly pulled down his own mask and put it on before shoving the pastor back into his seat and pointing emphatically at the masks. Patton shook his head and tried to get up again, but Janus firmly held him down, resorting to putting the oxygen</span>
  <span> mask on for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Trust your kids," Janus commanded as he tightened the elastic straps, staring Patton hard in the eyes, "we are not crashing. They will be okay. He's got us. Pray if it helps."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton nodded shallowly and took deep breaths before nodding with more conviction. He grabbed Janus' hand and shut his eyes tight, mouthing a silent prayer, lips moving behind the translucent mask. He didn't let go of Janus even when he was evidently finished praying, holding in less of a death grip and more of a plea for comfort and grounding. Janus had to admit holding another man's hand again was indeed comforting and he made no move to let go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The plane landed without further incident and Patton clapped the loudest in the enthusiastic round of applause from the relieved passengers. Janus quickly removed his oxygen mask and stood to deboard as soon as the flight attendant signaled it was safe, finding his cane and luggage to be comforting weights in his hands. He nodded in farewell to Patton and made his way off the plane as quickly as he was able, thanking the staff for getting them landed in one piece.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janus was nearly halfway down the terminal when he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Patton with a nervous but genuine smile on his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just wanted to thank you and I realized I never got your name. I was a mess up there and you were really patient with me. I appreciate it," Patton held his hand out to shake and Janus noticed the man had a silver ring on his left-hand middle finger that Janus had not noticed before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Janus Shepard. You're welcome, pastor. We all have our limits. You remind me a good deal of my late husband, so it was an unexpectedly reassuring company," Janus took the man's hand and shook it firmly with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you, Janus, again. Have a good day!" Patton waved and turned to return to his flock of students and Janus couldn't help smiling after him. Maybe there was hope for both of them yet.</span>
</p>
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